Miss Carroll County – Selective Mutism Story
From as far back as I can remember, I was always talking. I made friends everywhere, and if I met a stranger at the grocery store, they were probably going to hear all about me. Speaking came naturally to me, until I started school.
Somewhere along the way, I slowly stopped speaking to people outside of my home. My teachers assumed there was a language barrier because my family is Hispanic or that I was simply shy. But I knew English perfectly. I wanted to answer questions, make friends, and join conversations but I just couldn’t.
At the time, I didn’t know I was living with selective mutism. I experienced anxiety and panic attacks before I even knew what anxiety was. Eventually, I stopped speaking almost completely outside of my home. It was frustrating, isolating, and exhausting because I wasn’t choosing to stay silent, but everything changed in high school.
After failing a class because I was too afraid to ask for help, I realized I didn’t want fear making my decisions anymore. So, I took the biggest leap of faith I could imagine and auditioned for my high school’s dance team. It’s almost ironic that the girl who struggled to speak chose to perform in front of hundreds of people, but dance became my second language.
Through movement, I could finally express the sass, confidence, determination, and personality that words couldn’t always communicate. As my confidence during performances grew, so did my confidence everywhere else. Small conversations became raising my hand in class, asking for help, and eventually finding my voice again.
That experience inspired my initiative, the Beyond Words movement. I want children with selective mutism to know that finding your voice doesn’t always begin with speaking. Sometimes it begins with art, music, a sport, writing, or any passion that reminds you who you are.
One of the hardest parts was that I always knew what I wanted to say. I wasn’t confused, and I wasn’t ignoring anyone, I simply couldn’t get the words out. I would rehearse conversations in my head over and over, but when the moment came to speak, my anxiety would take over and nothing came out. I often worried that people thought I was rude, uninterested, or didn’t understand them, when the truth was that I desperately wanted to connect. Looking back, that’s why I care so deeply about raising awareness today. I want families, teachers, and communities to understand that children with selective mutism aren’t choosing silence, they’re facing an anxiety disorder that deserves patience, understanding, and hope.
Today, I have graduated high school, serve as Miss Carroll County Teen Volunteer, and share my story with families across Maryland. Whether I’m educating parents, speaking with teachers, or encouraging children, my goal is simple, to remind them that growth is possible. I know because for more than ten years, I lived with selective mutism. And today, I stand in front of audiences using the very voice I once thought I’d never have.
– Yasmin Perez